I have a big mouth and I’m (sometimes) not afraid to use it. Often to my own detriment. Like when giving advice. Or taking it. I’m a Virgo (as you might have gleaned from the title) and that makes me a bit stubborn when it comes to always knowing what’s best—for myself and others. Thus, I give advice much more easily than I take it. (See second sentence again.)
So, I would like to explain when I know (in my mind and in my heart) when it’s best to give advice: Only when my advice is in the very best interest of the person to whom I’m imparting my wisdom. And only in a very sensitive, insightful way. So… Rules for giving advice:
- Do not share your opinion even though you’re sure the person will be so grateful once he/she sees the wisdom behind the words.
- Do not share your opinion even when you see a situation as a teachable moment.
- Do not share your opinion when sharing will make you feel better and the other person worse.
- Do not share your opinion when the other person quite obviously is venting and not looking for advice. (I hate it when hubby does this to me but it hasn’t always stopped me from doing the same…)
Now when it comes to receiving advice, there is only one rule: Don’t give it unless I ask for it or am in such a state that you feel you must say something before I jump off the ledge. I’m kinda bad about saying I don’t like your suggestions but very good at ignoring it. This applies to face-to-face interactions and written advice. It applies to my mom, my friends, and my editors (although I usually bow to editors once I get past the markups). Being a Virgo is hell sometimes.
I hope that my feelings about advice don’t make people hate me. But you know, if it does and you have advice about how to fix that, please don’t bother. I’ll love you better for your discretion. 😉
Read the next blog in the blog hop by going here.
Dee
Only a Good Man Will Do: Seriously ambitious man seeks woman to encourage his goals, support his (hopeful) position as Headmaster of Westover Academy, and be purer than Caesar’s wife. Good luck with that!
Naval Maneuvers: When a woman requires an earth-shattering crush of pleasure to carry her away, she can’t do better than to call on the US Navy. Sorry, Marines!
But what if I’d been assigned to another math class, we hadn’t hit it off as friends, I hadn’t gone to the Christmas concert, or arrived a few minutes later? Small moments in anyone’s life but they combined to form a unique path in my life and afforded me the kind of love I’d dreamed of as a child. Maybe I would have been just as happy without having met my hubby—maybe I’d become a doctor who saved lives, or married to a professional living in a house with a white picket fence with two-point-three children running around the yard with a black Labrador puppy. Or maybe my life wouldn’t have been happy. Maybe, fate having passed me by, settling me into another algebra class, I would have remained alone. That road not 
traveled might be fun to think about, but my philosophy rests more along the lines that we live the lives we should, and we should make every effort to be happy.
From its DVD writable drive to its mic plug. I’ve lived with this machine for so many years I had to look up the date we bought it. Now its chugging away back in the office trying to recover files at the manufacturer’s settings so we can see how much stuff we’ll be able to recover. (Note to self: Have “Back up more!!” tattooed on forehead.)
by Becky Wade that were Christian books (yes, I like my reading eclectic 😉 ), True to You and Falling for You. Both made me laugh and Falling for You made me cry, too.
it’s mostly been eradicated here in the U.S. I was lucky. One leg and my back were affected, and even luckier, my godfather was a Shriner, so as soon as I stabilized and reached the age the Shrine Hospitals would take me, he got me in. The Shriners were like my fairy godmothers throughout my life. I can’t think of a finer organization! So thank you Shriners! I mention all that because having polio is part of my childhood and my memories. So here goes…
was my favorite person in the world. He was my mom’s stepfather and I guess he’d always wanted children, and then he got me. I rode him around the living room like a horse, danced while standing on his feet, and watched TV with him while sitting on his stomach. Nothing I did was wrong or bad as far as he was concerned. I loved that man with all my heart!
already flattened the tired once by riding the bike all over the flight deck when he could. I was so excited over that bicycle I couldn’t see straight Soooo…he taught me to ride but not to stop. I used to run into things—fences, trees, etc.—in order to stop instead of using the brakes. Don’t judge. I’m a slow learner. We took that bike with us to Virginia, our next duty station, and I rode it for years.
thought that if I could afford it, I’d rent a cottage in the moors around Inverness and spend a summer writing. That’s my fantasy vacation! It hasn’t come about but I fill my fantasies by reading books in Scottish settings.
train in Waverley Station in Edinburgh I felt as though I’d come home. Maybe I’d lived there before. The city called to me. I wandered at will and had a great time and met some fantastic people. I also loved the area around Loch Ness (so beautiful!), and Stirling and Balquhidder are gorgeous. Skye had light like I’d never seen, and I could spend a week there just looking out over the sea.
back there again. I haven’t given up hope!
Especially in this season, there is much to be grateful for. There is so much, in fact, how does one limit it to a few? Don’t know… But I’m going to try.
and I learned things I’ve never forgotten. It planted my feet firmly on the ground and centered me. Plus, it gave me a perspective on everything in life since. As hubby says, once you’ve started to jackknife coming down Donner Pass in a blizzard, the meaning of “stress” changes forever more.
experience things most people have not. I’ve been able to write. I’ve enjoyed both working and not working. I’ve been blessed, totally and sincerely. It’s such a wonderful feeling!
I have to say, I am not a very good cook and I’ve become worse since being married. My family used lots of seasoning, so at one time I knew what I was doing with them. But Jack likes no seasoning—not spices, herbs, salt, or pepper. Nothing. He says he likes the taste of food as it is meant to be tasted. So I’ve learned to eat food the same way and that somewhat limits what one can do in the way of creativity. Consequently, my culinary acumen has suffered. I do still have a few dishes I cook and Jack eats them or he fixes a sandwich. (Okay, that’s not accurate. I fix his sandwich.) One of my favorite comfort foods is goulash, or what some call hamburger and macaroni.
with a slice of crusty bread and maybe a salad. Doesn’t matter—it takes me back to my childhood. Funny thing. Years ago when I first started making goulash for Jack and me, it didn’t taste the same as when Mom made it. I asked her why and after relaying how I made it, she asked when I added the secret ingredient. Once I started that, the flavors were the taste of home. See if you can spot the secret ingredient.
an example of how I look when I go into the office for a couple hours at the keyboard. Hair coiffed, mani/ pedi done to perfection, fuck me stilettos, and designer gown. And let’s not forget the special illumination that shows off the highlights in my hair.
and bunny slippers. Because after all, what’s the point of working from home if you can’t be comfortable?? When I give up the pajamas, I like loose-fitting pants, a tee shirt, a wrap over my shoulders and upper arms, and yes, slippers. This is why I don’t hie off to Starbuck’s to write—they frown on bunny slippers.
listen to a particular song. In fact, I don’t really have a writing ritual. Usually I go back and read the last thing I wrote and then plan in my mind what would come next. In fact, this planning is so minuscule that it doesn’t even really count as planning.
need organizing particular things to wear (“clothes to write in…”) because that’s too much trouble. Surrounding myself with inspirational photos and books won’t work because there’s too little space in the office for such things. And besides, what about when I write in the living room using my Alphasmart or the laptop?