I have a big mouth and I’m (sometimes) not afraid to use it. Often to my own detriment. Like when giving advice. Or taking it. I’m a Virgo (as you might have gleaned from the title) and that makes me a bit stubborn when it comes to always knowing what’s best—for myself and others. Thus, I give advice much more easily than I take it. (See second sentence again.)
So, I would like to explain when I know (in my mind and in my heart) when it’s best to give advice: Only when my advice is in the very best interest of the person to whom I’m imparting my wisdom. And only in a very sensitive, insightful way. So… Rules for giving advice:
- Do not share your opinion even though you’re sure the person will be so grateful once he/she sees the wisdom behind the words.
- Do not share your opinion even when you see a situation as a teachable moment.
- Do not share your opinion when sharing will make you feel better and the other person worse.
- Do not share your opinion when the other person quite obviously is venting and not looking for advice. (I hate it when hubby does this to me but it hasn’t always stopped me from doing the same…)
Now when it comes to receiving advice, there is only one rule: Don’t give it unless I ask for it or am in such a state that you feel you must say something before I jump off the ledge. I’m kinda bad about saying I don’t like your suggestions but very good at ignoring it. This applies to face-to-face interactions and written advice. It applies to my mom, my friends, and my editors (although I usually bow to editors once I get past the markups). Being a Virgo is hell sometimes.
I hope that my feelings about advice don’t make people hate me. But you know, if it does and you have advice about how to fix that, please don’t bother. I’ll love you better for your discretion. 😉
Read the next blog in the blog hop by going here.
Dee
Only a Good Man Will Do: Seriously ambitious man seeks woman to encourage his goals, support his (hopeful) position as Headmaster of Westover Academy, and be purer than Caesar’s wife. Good luck with that!
Naval Maneuvers: When a woman requires an earth-shattering crush of pleasure to carry her away, she can’t do better than to call on the US Navy. Sorry, Marines!
Good advice on giving advice. I tend to phrase my advice as questions, as in, “Have you considered blah? What would happen if you blah?” and so on. Thinly disguised advice, I suppose.
No, Sadira, very sensitive and non-threatening. I like it! And I’m going to try to remember to adopt it. 😉 Thanks!
When I originally commented I clicked the “Notify me when new comments are added”
checkbox and now each time a comment is added I get several e-mails with the
same comment. Is there any way you can remove people
from that service? Appreciate it!
I apologize! I get so much spam and I don’t understand why. I have a “spam catcher.” In any blog I would suggest only clicking Notify me when someone responds to my message. I’ll see what I can do to help.